The Search for Yourself

A very personal post, but worth sharing for those who feel that pursuing what you want is selfish or morally questionable. It’s time to be who you are, finally. If the last year and 1/2 taught us anything, it’s that time is short, and we must not waste the precious time we have left.

The Soul Bank: Stories, Research, Essays, (B)Logs

Nothing is more difficult for me than accepting what I want. Do I have a destination on this journey? I don’t know; but I keep moving towards something that seems both elusive and thrillingly possible.

Women are typically raised to fulfill the needs of others: husbands, partners, children, supervisors, students, extended family, pets, and anyone else who we can help, save, or serve. I would love to say that this is some antiquated notion that no longer applies, but I see this in myself, my students, my family, and my friends. We exist for so long to make someone else’s existence easier. In the process, we forget who we are and we can’t name what we want. If we do, if we can, we feel searing guilt around placing ourselves “first”, not thinking that those around us are doing that very thing, unworried that they are not serving us or…

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Published by thupancic

I received my Ph.D. from Yale University in Spanish Literature and Language. I am currently a professor a Southern California college. My current area of research and interest is survival of consciousness research. I live with an eccentric husband and an emotionally deranged green-cheeked conure. I am the founder of the International Society for Paranormal Research (2021), which for now is housed under soulbank.org until we get our own site. Feel free to contact me if you are interested in membership!

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