My husband and I returned from Spain on December 11th, 2024. My parents caught Covid. At 85, that remains a frightening diagnosis. I watched them carefully for signs of low blood oxygen or dramatic fatigue. During that time, the wildfires in Los Angeles started. I had thought that there was some hyperbole attached to the warnings, but I was wrong. Our house in the middle of nowhere lost all power for many days, and even when the power was restored, it would flicker off an on, rendering our internet useless and working from home impossible.
We were in the middle of moving from our tiny condo to a less tiny rental apartment, and ash fell around us as we lugged boxes from one place to the next. I had strange, physical ailments that I am still recovering from–headaches, respiratory issues, and eyes that won’t focus correctly.
The day before Trump’s inauguration, in the middle of packing and running from fires, a member of our family had a complete breakdown and was admitted to the hospital. On Inauguration Day, he was admitted to a “behavioral care facility”, or what used to be called a psych ward. As he ruefully put it, “they should turn off the news. That’s what landed many of us here in the first place”. And he does not exaggerate, really, for he and his fellow patients are in the target demographic for Trump’s hatred and lack of compassion: gay, trans, and non-binary kids who now feel utterly betrayed and unsafe.
While we were back and forth to the facility where he stayed for a week, we were packing and navigating fires and poor air quality still; and then, on a Sunday, I received frantic messages from my husband. He had fallen off a ladder while packing up his workshop, smashing the back of his head and lower spine. When I saw him, I almost passed out. He was covered in blood and unsteady on his feet. I drove like a maniac to Urgent Care, and they sent him to the emergency room, which, of course, is where I should have gone in the first place. I was out of my mind with fear and panic.
We moved to the rental apartment, the fires were extinguished, the family member went to an outpatient program, but the fallout continues. The damage from the fires is hard to describe; entire neighborhoods disappeared. The damage to my family member is ongoing, as well, as he calls almost every day in a state of anxiety and despair. My husband’s broken scalp is recovering, and the fact that his concussion was fairly mild is a miracle. And for that, I am grateful.
The damage that Trump seeks to inflict on the Constitution, on democracy, and the whole concept of federal government, is just starting. His fans are seeing his actions as exciting and bold, without really understanding the consequences. This is not about politics anymore, but about remaking the United States into an oligarchy, an authoritarian state. That seems to be just fine for some; but for most of us, that is absolutely terrifying. Our country, the one we have known since we were children, is under attack. The climate is changing so fast that we barely have time to recover from one disaster before another one hits.
When you combine the small-scale tragedies with the large-scale ones, mental health declines across the board, leading to a paralysis that the current Administration is counting on in order to crush the opposition and drain us of any fight. It seems to be working, so far.
The Apocalypse is not a big, showy battle between warring forces; turns out, it is the gradual loss of willpower and the sense of defeat that turns into depression, resulting in good people giving up and handing power to the demagogues and grandiose narcissists. It’s family in the psych ward, unable to connect to a reality that is far too painful to manage; it’s accidents and fires and floods, sapping our vitality and courage. It happens when there is nothing left to do but try to survive.
Spirituality, a sense that there is something far larger than this, might be the only way to survive. But right now, in spite of the purpose of this blog to discuss and analyze all things non-material and mysterious, all I can feel is darkness and limitation.
Comments would be most appreciated.
–Kirsten A. Thorne, PhD
International Society for Paranormal Research 
So much so fast! No wonder you are feeling darkness and limitation. It feels very much like we are all trapped on a burning hijacked plane with no idea when, where, or even if we will land, and so many fears and worries about what will happen next. It is hard to bear up but worse not to. If you need to talk (write) your way through it, I will listen.
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I am listening too and I feel you – every step of the way. Omg, too much, too fast as Ginger stated. He is a warmonger and it is so disruptive – we feel the charge of his intentions. It’s hard to believe, yet here we are. I am Canadian – 51st state – are you kidding me right now? No other president in all my 55 years has ever said this, think it maybe, but never brought it to the table the way he has. They worked hard to ratify the Free trade agreement and to consolidate us as a united North American block and in days he’s revoked this sentiment both countries shared and trusted in. With friends like this, who needs enemies right? I know more than half the country is not with them on this – and they are mad, saddened, and exhausted. Truly exhausted. It’s incredulous really. I don’t know, from a spiritual standpoint maybe his rhetoric has been allowed, to wake us up even more, to have us hone in on what we truly want to value and to fight for it, to set the records straight. His every move drops another worry bomb into the ether and for us who are sensitive, we feel every explosion that comes with it. Its hard and it feels dark, very dark right now. Keep writing though – you thoughts and words frame what many of us cannot say articulately enough. We need the word warriors to keep us focused on what is right and true.
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Hola Amanda,
Oh yes, everything you said resonates with me. Is there a spiritual purpose to all this madness? Yes, I happen to think there is, and it is exactly what you said: we stopped fighting for what we believed in, for basic human rights, mutual respect, and the Constitution. We started taking everything for granted, assuming that the USA would always honor our basic, founding values, and we were not prepared for greedy sociopaths to take over the country.
It’s hard, shocking, and a daily feeling of doom and despair.
But we cannot give up. We have to find our own way to fight.
I am so sorry that Canadians and Greenlanders have to deal with this stupidity and and immorality. I will do what I can to return this country to what I remember it was, and if that doesn’t happen, well, …. I will move to Spain.
Thank you so much for writing. : )
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